With Grief Comes Joy...In Time

I just wanted to thank you all for the comments, emails, tweets, messages on BDW & guestbook comments on the site regarding Wednesday's post.  I wasn't sure how well it would be received.  Was it too much?  Would this really help someone?  Would it be too long--as always?  You all washed away my fears when the emails saying thank you, the tweets telling me I was strong for posting it & comments stating I was helping other bully owners came in!  I'm so glad my intention came through in what seemed at times a post of me just babbling on & on.  So thank you once again for letting me share my stories with you!

Ollie was my first dog & the first time I've had to make the decision we did & therefore the first time I was ever witness to such a thing.  We both knew we needed to be there; he deserved us to be there with him.  While I know in my head we did make the right decision, in my heart there has been a lot of guilt.  Did we make a rush decision?  After all we did just get the final diagnosis 2 days prior.  What would our families think?  That we gave up?  That we couldn't deal with it?  And the biggest part of my guilt (& one I rarely ever admit to anyone for fear they'll think I'm coo coo berries crazy) would Ollie understand?  I mean, he had been put under so many times in the weeks prior & they used the same thing...would he just think he was going to do this another time just like the last few times & he'll wake up again & see us?  (See told you coo coo berries crazy right?)

I've only had one dream of him since that day...and it was THE day.  I had cried myself to sleep when we got home & he was in our living room, under the sofa table.  He looked up at me & I asked him if he was ok & he gave me a look that said, "yes momma, I'm ok".  That was it. 

While there has only been one dream, I swear he plays with the bullies in their sleep!!When we see them "running" we'll whisper "tell him we say hi!"  See...there's the joy.

This was one of my favorite photos of Ollie.  My dad had been working on our deck & Ollie was watching him through the screen door.  So my dad took the photo with his cell phone & sent it to me!  I just laughed!